The Trans Fat Police Are Ruining My Life

I really, really want a donut. But the cafeteria at my place of employment, in an apparent effort to safeguard my health, has decided that while scones and muffins are allowable, donuts are not. I'm assuming this is some kind of trans fat issue. Needless to say, I am furious. I live a quiet life. I am not a risk-taker. I do not leap out of airplanes or mainline heroin or hang out with Danny Bonaduce. I rarely drive more than 10 mph over the speed limit for crying out loud. So if I want to take my life into my hands by eating the occasional donut (gasp!), I fail to see why the Aramark juggernaut should decide that, for my own good, they will not sell me one. I was fine with the seatbelt law, though I do feel nostalgic for the days when no number of kids was too many to pile into the back of a car. I was fine with the smoking ban, though sometimes I still long for a cigarette while drinking at a bar. So it's not like I'm a Libertarian or anythng. But this is taking paternalism too far, don't you think? Give me chocolate glazed or give me death!